Psicólogos nas Escolas - RTP (14/01/2014)

Arnold Schwarzenegger - Motivação, Poder da Mente (Legendado-PT)

Motivação - Qual é o tamanho do seu apetite pelo sucesso?

Nenhum de Nós - Sobre o Tempo

O monstro e a pessoa ideal

14JAN

http://inesperado.org/2014/01/14/o-monstro-e-a-pessoa-ideal/

Por mais fantástica que seja a tua roupa, ela está mais bem vestida.
Por muito competente que sejas, ela faz um trabalho melhor.
Por muito divertidas que sejam as tuas histórias, ela faz sempre rir mais.
Por muito bem que cozinhes, ela cozinha pratos ainda melhores.
Por muito bem que penses, fales ou vivas… ela é sempre melhor.

Mas afinal quem é esta pessoa?
É simplesmente a construção que fizémos na nossa cabeça da pessoa ideal. É a imagem que inventámos algures pelo caminho, da pessoa que queremos para partilhar a nossa vida. Tipicamente é uma pessoa desenhada para uma relação próxima, mas há quem se especialize em fabricar dezenas de pessoas ideais, para aplicar a amigos, colegas e até estranhos. Depois de estar fabricada, esperamos genuinamente que as pessoas de carne e osso correspondam a ela.

Esta pessoa ideal – mesmo estando apenas na nossa cabeça – tem uma influência grande na nossa vida: há relações que não começam porque alguém não cumpre todos os requisitos da pessoa ideal. Há namoros que acabam porque um dos namorados não consegue ser como a pessoa ideal. Há casamentos que passam por dificuldades porque a pessoa ideal intromete-se demasiada vezes na vida do casal…

Mas porque criamos esta pessoa na nossa cabeça?
Por um lado é porque querermos o melhor para nós. Queremos miminhos, queremos ser gostados e tratados bem, e queremos que quem o faça seja uma pessoa fantástica. Por outro lado, queremos que a outra pessoa apague todas as nossas fraquezas. Projectamos no outro a responsabilidade de nos livrar de tudo o que nos incomoda. Queremos alguém que nos venha salvar das nossas falhas.

Contudo…o que esconde esta pessoa ideal?
O segredo que torna esta pessoa invencível em todas as áreas é o facto de ser um monstro. É um frankenstein, uma coleccção de várias pessoas diferentes, uma montagem sinistra de mil personalidades diferentes. A pessoa ideal tem que ser linda, inteligente, atenta, interessante, divertida, profunda, generosa e por aí fora, numa combinação impossível de virtudes. Acabámos por criar na nossa cabeça um monstro que tratamos como um ídolo.

O que podemos então fazer com essa pessoa?
Não vale a pena lutar com ela, porque a pessoa ideal é invencível. Mas na realidade, o problema não é haver uma pessoa ideal na nossa mioleira. O problema é levá-la demasiado a sério. Levar a sério as regras que criámos, levar a sério os critérios que inventámos, levar a sério a pessoa que fantasiámos. Esta pessoa – este monstro – é implacável com quem quer que seja. Põe a expectativa tão alta, que rebenta com qualquer possibilidade de alguém nos agradar ou surpreender.

Temos que saber brincar com ela. Saber que ela anda para ali, mas não levá-la demasiado a sério. É apenas uma ideia, teve o seu interesse em tempos, mas agora já não serve para a vida que vivemos. Somos livres de deixar o monstro de lado.

A ironia é que a pessoa ideal é incapaz de nos dar o amor que tanto desejamos. Os monstros não amam.
Todo o amor que queremos, lutamos e procuramos, vem apenas das pessoas realíssimas – de carne e osso – que rodeiam a nossa vida. A fantasia não nos dá nada do que precisamos, apenas o real nos pode encher as medidas. Tudo o que nos liberta, nos cura e nos realiza, vem do que é real.

Pela frente ficamos apenas com uma escolha: a pessoa real que temos à frente, ou a ideal que temos na cabeça.

http://apeaceful-warrior.blogspot.pt/2013/12/happiness-is-habit-cultivate-it.html

“Happiness is a habit – cultivate it.” ~ Elbert Hubbard
Happiness is one aspiration all people share. No one wants to be sad and depressed.
We’ve all seen people who are always happy – even amidst agonizing life trials. I’m not saying happy people don’t feel grief, sorrow or sadness; they just don’t let it overtake their life. The following are 21 things happy people make a habit of doing:

1. Appreciate Life
Be thankful that you woke up alive each morning. Develop a childlike sense of wonder towards life. Focus on the beauty of every living thing. Make the most of each day. Don’t take anything for granted. Don’t sweat the small stuff.

2. Choose Friends Wisely
Surround yourself with happy, positive people who share your values and goals. Friends that have the same ethics as you will encourage you to achieve your dreams. They help you to feel good about yourself. They are there to lend a helping hand when needed.

3. Be Considerate
Accept others for who they are as well as where they are in life. Respect them for who they are. Touch them with a kind and generous spirit. Help when you are able, without trying to change the other person. Try to brighten the day of everyone you come into contact with.

4. Learn Continuously
Keep up to date with the latest news regarding your career and hobbies. Try new and daring things that has sparked your interest – such as dancing, skiing, surfing or sky-diving.

5. Creative Problem Solving
Don’t wallow in self-pity. As soon as you face a challenge get busy finding a solution. Don’t let the set backs affect your mood, instead see each new obstacle you face as an opportunity to make a positive change. Learn to trust your gut instincts – it’s almost always right.

6. Do What They Love
Some statistics show that 80% of people dislike their jobs! No wonder there’s so many unhappy people running around. We spend a great deal of our life working. Choose a career that you enjoy – the extra money of a job you detest isn’t worth it. Make time to enjoy your hobbies and pursue special interests.

7. Enjoy Life
Take the time to see the beauty around you. There’s more to life than work. Take time to smell the roses, watch a sunset or sunrise with a loved one, take a walk along the seashore, hike in the woods etc. Learn to live in the present moment and cherish it. Don’t live in the past or the future.

8. Laugh
Don’t take yourself – or life to seriously. You can find humor in just about any situation. Laugh at yourself – no one’s perfect. When appropriate laugh and make light of the circumstances. (Naturally there are times that you should be serious as it would be improper to laugh.)

9. Forgive
Holding a grudge will hurt no one but you. Forgive others for your own peace of mind. When you make a mistake – own up to it – learn from it – and FORGIVE yourself.

10. Gratitude
Develop an attitude of gratitude. Count your blessings; All of them – even the things that seem trivial. Be grateful for your home, your work and most importantly your family and friends. Take the time to tell them that you are happy they are in your life.

11. Invest in Relationships
Always make sure your loved ones know you love them even in times of conflict. Nurture and grow your relationships with your family and friends by making the time to spend with them. Don’t break your promises to them. Be supportive.

12. Keep Their Word
Honesty is the best policy. Every action and decision you make should be based on honesty. Be honest with yourself and with your loved ones.

13. Meditate
Meditation gives your very active brain a rest. When it’s rested you will have more energy and function at a higher level. Types of meditation include yoga, hypnosis, relaxation tapes, affirmations, visualization or just sitting in complete silence. Find something you enjoy and make the time to practice daily.

14. Mind Their Own Business
Concentrate on creating your life the way you want it. Take care of you and your family. Don’t get overly concerned with what other people are doing or saying. Don’t get caught up with gossip or name calling. Don’t judge. Everyone has a right to live their own life the way they want to – including you.

15. Optimism
See the glass as half full. Find the positive side of any given situation. It’s there – even though it may be hard to find. Know that everything happens for a reason, even though you may never know what the reason is. Steer clear of negative thoughts. If a negative thought creeps in – replace it with a positive thought.

16. Love Unconditionally
Accept others for who they are. You don’t put limitations on your love. Even though you may not always like the actions of your loved ones – you continue to love them.

17. Persistence
Never give up. Face each new challenge with the attitude that it will bring you one step closer to your goal. You will never fail, as long as you never give up. Focus on what you want, learn the required skills, make a plan to succeed and take action. We are always happiest while pursuing something of value to us.

18. Be Proactive
Accept what can not be changed. Happy people don’t waste energy on circumstances beyond their control. Accept your limitations as a human being. Determine how you can take control by creating the outcome you desire – rather than waiting to respond.

19. Self Care
Take care of your mind, body and health. Get regular medical check ups. Eat healthy and work out. Get plenty of rest. Drink lots of water. Exercise your mind by continually energizing it with interesting and exciting challenges.

20. Self Confidence
Don’t try to be someone that you’re not. After all no one likes a phony. Determine who you are in the inside – your own personal likes and dislikes. Be confident in who you are. Do the best you can and don’t second guess yourself.

21. Take Responsibility
Happy people know and understand that they are 100% responsible for their life. They take responsibility for their moods, attitude, thoughts, feelings, actions and words. They are the first to admit when they’ve made a mistake.

Begin today by taking responsibility for your happiness. Work on developing these habits as you own. The more you incorporate the above habits into your daily lifestyle – the happier you will be.

Most of all: BE TRUE TO YOURSELF.

A Day Made of Glass... Made possible by Corning. (2011)